Home for the Holidays- Reality Check
Graceland Assisted Living Garden Ridge Texas
It's that time of year... when families gather and adult children make their way home to see parents in order to celebrate the holidays together. With more and more families separated by great distances, this season of reunions can often be a season of surprise. Often, elder adults will want to prevent their children from worrying about them. They often reassure by mail and telephone that "everything is going great" when in fact, they might actually be beginning to have difficulty with health or activities of daily living. When adult children arrive from for a visit, they can be shocked to find that their parents have undergone significant changes.
The reality that adult children may find, can create a great deal of concern and a sense of urgency to try to address problems quickly before they need to return to their own homes.
Some organizations urge families to use these holiday gatherings to raise the issue of advance directives, giving parents a chance to express their preferences for future care decisions before a real crisis hits. It’s a fine idea to initiate these conversations in person, when older relatives can hear and see their children and when siblings may also be on the scene.
The evidence suggests that it doesn’t happen terribly often (perhaps it seems insufficiently celebratory?) given that most people, even very old and sick people, don’t have advance directives. But, as Ms. Saltz urged, “even if Mom sends you packing, give it a try.” These are seldom one-shot conversations anyway.
But say we accept that a lot of families are going to duck this dialogue for now. The holiday reality check nevertheless can lead to some pragmatic steps that can help older people maintain their independence, at least for a while.
As you prepare for the holidays, be mindful of the elders you know. How are they doing? Are their children aware of their parent's situation and needs? As you return home to family gatherings, pay close attention to your loved ones' living situations and intervene with love and respect if you need to do so.
